Some thoughts about last week

So today I literally had my hands in a dead man's abdominal cavity. Ofcourse they were covered with gloves, but still. Feels quite akward when the teacher literally encourages you to mess around in there and find all kinds of anatomical structures.
On another table in the morgue you can find all kinds of (real) organs. Small intestines, stomachs, livers... And also the organs from a newborn child. The absurd thing when handeling the instestines or stomachs is that I always get hungry. Don't ask why, I wish I would have the normal kind of reaction people have; like backing off and keeping the needed distance.
My favorite is still the organs of the newborn baby. The heart is so tiny and beautiful. Can't imagine how it can pump all that blood! The organs are as new as they could be. I think that is the most amazing thing that I have ever seen. In the heart you could see all the valves still and how they are attached. It really looks like on the pictures. People started commenting on how interested I was in that tiny heart. And I got the idea of maybe becoming a heartsurgeon.

We had some 6-7h of Biology today, but it was the fun kind. The one looking at petri-dishes with clones you made. The one talking about the medical stuff. I got once again the passion for this thing. And I really needed it after quite a depressing, exhausting and loooong week;including Chemistry yesterday...

Next week we will start having a lot of tests every week until the bitter end of this pre-Christmastime. I hope we will survive it all, the stress and the tests. After this we get to have a nice vacation. But first I look forward to my birthday, not that I will have any of those family-traditions like being woken up to the song of "happy birthday to you" or a present-table, but still. I am like a small child still in that way :) And I plan on being that for the rest of my life. My Birthdays are my days. Hope I will get to celebrate with some good food and a nice evening in the company of friends here in Tartu. Because we will have had 3 tests that day, it would be nice relaxing after that :)

I have found that since I've moved here the most surprising things can trigger a minor life-crises and soulsearching. Have I changed at all because of these? I don't think so. Everytime it just reminds me of the same things that need to change or I need to start/stop doing. But you just can't bring up the energy for change. Even though, by changing you might get more energy. So I hope that at last when I'm back after being at homehome for some weeks I will for example bring up the energy to go to the gym again and eating healthy etc. etc.

Not only am I looking forward to the Christmasbreak because I get to meet all my friends&family, but also because I will get to work again, read some novels and just be in Finland again. Don't get me wrong, I like being in Estonia, I have actually come to a point were I appriciate being here, but home is still home. And home is where your heart is :)

I can however say that I always manage to have time for watching movies and TV-series! I recently watched all the Saw-movies and last Friday I watched the last one in the cinema. The first three movies were amazing, after that they slowly begin to loose the original spirit.

Also I now listen to Death Cab for Cutie and remembering summer! It's so dark outside and it makes me tired and really brings me down. So check out the following songs:

Passengerseat
Summerskin
What Sarah said
I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Soul meets Body

Studymotivation

I have my Latin-exam on Tuesday and I'm as unmotivated to study as one can be. It feels very unneccessary to learn how to pronounce a dead language anyway.

But I found some real studymotivation this night, once again.

-Reading about Doctors without borders. I want to be a volunteer some day for them. I dream of mine for a long time already.

-Reading Lääkärilehti (Finnish Doctor's Magazine/Journal that dumps into my postbox every week)

-Imagining being in a surgery and actually getting to be inside a living human. Or doing an autopsy (preferably on a dead human...). It still amazes me all the time how complex and clever the human body is. And it's so beautiful!



-Sometimes you just have those moments when you get this warm feeling inside and you smile while you think: "This is why I want to be a doctor!"

People always ask me what kind of doctor I want to be. I always tell them that it's a bit hard to decide now what I want to be since I have no experience at all. But here is a list of stuff I really am interested in and fascinated by:

Psychiatry
General Surgery
Gynecology
Geriatry
Pathology
Anaesthesiology
Cardiology

I am not interested nor will I ever be interest in the following:

Paediatrics
Nose-throat-ear specialist
Radiology