Picture of the day

These are human sperm stained with a method called Christmas staining.

This is a complex staining with: fast red, picrinic acid and indigocarmin.

When I saw these slides under the microscope in our course, medical cellbiology, they gave me that christmasy feeling. And I think they are really pretty and cute, like the balls you hang in your Christmas' tree!

So studying for the last test in the year of 2009 isn't JUST a pain in the ass, I think it is really interesting (not only due to the sperm...).

An update about the last days in Tartu coming soon, meanwhile from the stained sperm and me:

Merry Christmas!

Trötthet & jultraditioner

De senaste veckorna skulle väl kunna summeras ihop till ett ord: trötthet. Jag har varit mer under inflytande av det ständiga mörkret än tidigare år, även om det är relativt länge ljust här jämfört med t.ex. Jakobstad. Men långa skoldagar och en söndrig vardagsrumslampa kanske inte hjälper på den fronten heller. Till en början måste jag medge att tröttheten var självvald, stannade medvetet upp längre för att hinna göra allt det jag ville. Nu är det mera som att vad än jag gör så skulle kunna avslutas med en tupplur. Men bara 5 dagar kvar i Tartu, 4 skoldagar och 3 prov!

Då jag tänker tillbaka på förra årets jul & nyår får jag inse att det antagligen var det värsta någonsin. Inte för att det hände något speciellt, det hade snarare med mig själv att göra. I år är jag rädd för att förra året skall upprepas än en gång. Men kanske man åtminstone kan intala sig själv att man har ändrats och lever under andra omständigheter nu. Har ju inte varit hemma på hela 17 veckor!

Det är förunderligt (och underbart) att det ändå inte känns som en så lång tid. Dagens teknik har möjliggjort att jag dagligen håller kontakt med endera någon från familjen eller vänskapskretsen. Och ja, let's face it, det sker sällan några större livsomvandlande förändringar på dryga 4 månader. Eller så känns det iallafall. Alla verkar må bra :) Samtidigt kommer det ögonblick då det faktiskt sjunker in i en att en del av mina bästa vänner har jag inte sett på en tredjedels år. Huh... Man får umgås desto intensivare (tills vi väl krafsar ut ögonen ur varandra) under de 6 veckorna jag är hemma. Så orkar man sen igen.
Så som min läsordning verkar att se ut nu så kanske jag har tid att komma en helg eller två upp till Pampas på våren. Skulle kunna ordna torsdag ledig någon gång. Superduper :D

I ett främmande land med mycket intensiv skolgång just före jul så har jag saknat vår familjs och lands jultraditioner. Idag är det t.ex. Lucia-dagen, vore härligt att endera se på Finlands Lucia i Helsingfors domkyrka eller Jakobstads Lucia hemma på torget.
Eller för en vecka sedan på självständighetsdagen; saknade slottsbalen och mammas risgrynsgröt&plommonkräm och pepparkaksbakningen!
Eller att tjuvstarta med lite julmat redan under adventssöndagarna. Eller att sjunga de bekanta julsångerna. Kanske delta i Christmas carolling. Gå på kyrkans julfest. Eller någon julfest överhuvudtaget. Och att baka jultårtor! Dricka glögg med vänner...

Angående juldekorationerna här:
Staden+universitetet dekorerar (för det mesta) helt underbart med tonvis av ljus. Vissa kanske går till överdrift, men sättet de dekorerar på har en någon amerikansk touch över sig.
Privatpersoner är lite sämre på att dekorera, det vanligaste är en eller två ljusstakar i fönstren. Har hittills inte upptäckt några stjärnor. Men också egnahemshusen kan ha vanliga ljus; oftast dock i olika nyanser av blått, vilket enligt min åsikt inte är någon värst julig färg. Igår upptäckte jag på någons gård en enorm ljuskedja/nät som blinkade i takt. Trodde ögonen skulle ramla ur mig. Borde gå och fota lite så att det åtminstone på facebook skulle dyka upp lite dekorationsbilder.
Måste också medge att på flera håll i Finland så orkar man inte bry sig lika mycket som jag är van vid från mina hemtrakter att dekorera och ha sig inför julen. En av de bästa jultraditionerna är nämligen att åka med bilen för att julshoppa i Kokkola och mobba/beundra dekorationerna längs vägen. Sen avslutas turen med en sväng via Gamla Hamn för att se på en gubbes hus som alltid har ett litet (men smakfullt) winterwonderland av ljus upplagt på sin gård.

Alltså här en snabb checklista vad jag borde hinna göra på en vecka i Jeppis:

-Åka till Kokkola, mobba dekorationerna på vägen

-Övertala mamma att laga risgrynsgröt med plommonkräm

-Baka julstjärnor och dricka glögg

-Laga pepparkakor, med mamma som utkavlare och mig som äter upp största delen av degen, Alicia som formgivare

-Lyssna cirka 100 gånger efter varann på Disney's twelve day's of Christmas med Nikolai och skratta åt samma delar gång på gång

-Ha uppesittarkväll med mamma

-Sitta och svälla med flickgänget på juldagen

-Dra bort katterna från julgranen eftersom dom leker runt med dekorationen/dra fram dem från under julgranen, deras favoritsovplats

-Lära sig och dricka julmust, sen inser man att man inte kan sluta och dricker tills magen sväller och både man själv och syskonen är i sockerfyllan

och mycket mera ;D

Hoppas på en fortsatt bra adventstid åt alla!

One week

One week left until I will be homehome in Pietarsaari! I am longing for it so much; looking forward to seeing everybody again, to pet with our cats, go to work and just hanging around. I hope I will get the chance to read some books too, and I have quite a lot of movies I would like to see, both in the cinema and at home. And working out, boy I long for a good, long and effective session of that!!!! Then New Year's will be celebrated in Helsinki!

I think all this studying is catching up with me, I am dead-tired even though I slept 10h last night. But I have to study still for my slide-test in histology tomorrow, it would be wonderful to pass it and hopefully only have 3 tests more after that; that is if my Kruusma-chemistry test was okay. I have hope that it will work out good, since I in some mysterious way have passed and got accepteted a lot of things this week :) Studying and background knowledge pays off! Since my apartment looks like a bomb just exploded I apparently have been reading a lot since I didn't consider myself having the time to think "oh-it-is-just-so-nasty-here-I-can-not-study"-thoughts.

Tomorrow TASLO is having their Christmasparty which I won't be attending. I hope to have a nice evening at home, just relaxing after studying some anatomy (after the slide-test) for half of the day in school. Maybe I could read a good book, I've been wanting to do that for a long time. Otherwise the weekend will be mainly studying the urinarysystem & sexorgans (now we know all about micropenises and disformed wombs), colloid chemistry and cellbiology. And yes on Saturday I will purchase the last of my Christmasgifts, and start taking out the creativity inside of me. Just pouring it all out :) Hope everybody will like their presents!

Also I have once again done some soulsearching and it's time for a change in so many ways. I still don't know if it is good or bad that we have to reinvent ourself almost daily. But it defintely gives us some excitement in our lives. And as somebody said two weeks ago on Sunday life without trials would be boring ;) Well we have to challenge ourselves from time to time.

Summary: Nothing new and exciting happening in my life right now, mostly studying (but hey that's kind of interesting!) and eating and sleeping and facebooking :)

Wish me luck for my last tests, I will need it!

December 7th

(Cyclopia in human baby from Tartu's medical exhibition)

Updating is a nice thing to do when you should study for boring tests. So that I will do now!

Last week, December 1st, was my birthday. It's so nice when people remember you on your birthday, trough SMS, facebook, calls or whatever. I got a package from Germany and my relatives there; I had something to open! In the evening almost the whole class met at the restorant Moka (my personal favorite) for some birthdaydinner which was really nice. I also saw New Moon and it was really good! Especially if you compare it to the first movie!!! The audience did suck, they laughed and screamed at all the wrong moments, this spoiled quite a lot of the movie I think.

On my birthday I also had 3 tests, which all went well! Bye bye Latin & First Aid, I won't ever return to those classes again, wohoo!

Okay I have to stop doing other stuff so I will get to the interesting part of TODAY. We went to the old anatomical theater here in Tartu today to get our last Histologylesson for this year. And well we got to see a testis that weighs about 5 kg and a tumour that weighs 15kg. Can you imagine what it would be like to have one of those xD just sick. Then our anatomyteacher showed us (all amazed) a device some guy had built by himself that shows the coming down of the testis during the developement. And she suggested that it would make a GOOD Christmas present. And that we also would create it by ourselves. Seriously, who figures out to do that kind of model/device in their sparetime :P

Well if you happen to visit Tartu you should go and check out the Old Anatomical Theater, looked pretty amazing all those preparates. And they have quite some history too!

I definitely think that we have to contribute to the stereotype that med-students don't sleep. Well a friend of mine (herself being a almost-ready doctor) commented yesterday: "So the only thing I read about you on your facebookstatus is: tired tired tired". It is true, I am tired all the time. Most of the time because I don't sleep enough, but it seems that even though I sleep I'm still tired! And one day just has 24 hours, even though I sometimes hope that there would magically appear like 2 hours extra.

Tonight I tried to make something my Grandma, Oma, always did: Gnocci with a cream&mushroom sauce. But it wasn't as good as is she would have done it. I don't know how she always got the sauce so tasty and creamy. It made me real sad, I have missed her even more ever since my birthday. Christmastime was her time of the year. And she was the most amazing cook ever.

I figured last week that Christmas has begun to be (alarmingly) a time to be depressed about not having a boyfriend. Everybody is out shopping/travelling/going to the movies/ice-skating etc. etc. with their significant other. It actually started last year for me this downie at Christmastime. Maybe I'm having a age-crises or so. I made a deal last year with Paulina that if we don't have any boyfriends this year at Christmas we would be abroad. Well we still don't have any but for the 24.12 we will be in Pietarsaari. Maybe it doesn't count if you work the whole Christmas week???

This weekend in Helsinki was the top of my down probably, but still it was a nice weekend, with meeting my parents and brother. Shopping with Jenny. Going to watch New Moon for the 2nd time with Jenny. Talking to Linda until late in the nights. The Independenceparty with dressing up and meeting friends. And the private afterparty at McDonalds ;) Eating out at Memphis. And Sunday was the best day being my happyday. It didn't even bring me that down to go back, in the opposite it was quite nice to come back to do some intense studying. Only 7 days of school and 8 tests more!!! Yey!

Some thoughts about last week

So today I literally had my hands in a dead man's abdominal cavity. Ofcourse they were covered with gloves, but still. Feels quite akward when the teacher literally encourages you to mess around in there and find all kinds of anatomical structures.
On another table in the morgue you can find all kinds of (real) organs. Small intestines, stomachs, livers... And also the organs from a newborn child. The absurd thing when handeling the instestines or stomachs is that I always get hungry. Don't ask why, I wish I would have the normal kind of reaction people have; like backing off and keeping the needed distance.
My favorite is still the organs of the newborn baby. The heart is so tiny and beautiful. Can't imagine how it can pump all that blood! The organs are as new as they could be. I think that is the most amazing thing that I have ever seen. In the heart you could see all the valves still and how they are attached. It really looks like on the pictures. People started commenting on how interested I was in that tiny heart. And I got the idea of maybe becoming a heartsurgeon.

We had some 6-7h of Biology today, but it was the fun kind. The one looking at petri-dishes with clones you made. The one talking about the medical stuff. I got once again the passion for this thing. And I really needed it after quite a depressing, exhausting and loooong week;including Chemistry yesterday...

Next week we will start having a lot of tests every week until the bitter end of this pre-Christmastime. I hope we will survive it all, the stress and the tests. After this we get to have a nice vacation. But first I look forward to my birthday, not that I will have any of those family-traditions like being woken up to the song of "happy birthday to you" or a present-table, but still. I am like a small child still in that way :) And I plan on being that for the rest of my life. My Birthdays are my days. Hope I will get to celebrate with some good food and a nice evening in the company of friends here in Tartu. Because we will have had 3 tests that day, it would be nice relaxing after that :)

I have found that since I've moved here the most surprising things can trigger a minor life-crises and soulsearching. Have I changed at all because of these? I don't think so. Everytime it just reminds me of the same things that need to change or I need to start/stop doing. But you just can't bring up the energy for change. Even though, by changing you might get more energy. So I hope that at last when I'm back after being at homehome for some weeks I will for example bring up the energy to go to the gym again and eating healthy etc. etc.

Not only am I looking forward to the Christmasbreak because I get to meet all my friends&family, but also because I will get to work again, read some novels and just be in Finland again. Don't get me wrong, I like being in Estonia, I have actually come to a point were I appriciate being here, but home is still home. And home is where your heart is :)

I can however say that I always manage to have time for watching movies and TV-series! I recently watched all the Saw-movies and last Friday I watched the last one in the cinema. The first three movies were amazing, after that they slowly begin to loose the original spirit.

Also I now listen to Death Cab for Cutie and remembering summer! It's so dark outside and it makes me tired and really brings me down. So check out the following songs:

Passengerseat
Summerskin
What Sarah said
I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Soul meets Body

Studymotivation

I have my Latin-exam on Tuesday and I'm as unmotivated to study as one can be. It feels very unneccessary to learn how to pronounce a dead language anyway.

But I found some real studymotivation this night, once again.

-Reading about Doctors without borders. I want to be a volunteer some day for them. I dream of mine for a long time already.

-Reading Lääkärilehti (Finnish Doctor's Magazine/Journal that dumps into my postbox every week)

-Imagining being in a surgery and actually getting to be inside a living human. Or doing an autopsy (preferably on a dead human...). It still amazes me all the time how complex and clever the human body is. And it's so beautiful!



-Sometimes you just have those moments when you get this warm feeling inside and you smile while you think: "This is why I want to be a doctor!"

People always ask me what kind of doctor I want to be. I always tell them that it's a bit hard to decide now what I want to be since I have no experience at all. But here is a list of stuff I really am interested in and fascinated by:

Psychiatry
General Surgery
Gynecology
Geriatry
Pathology
Anaesthesiology
Cardiology

I am not interested nor will I ever be interest in the following:

Paediatrics
Nose-throat-ear specialist
Radiology

Update

Update about the last week:

-I got my own stetoscope last Tuesday at the TASLO (Finnish medical students in Tartu) autumnmeeting.



-Had my skulltest, orally once again. Got an A, and it's not thanks to the teacher! Think she has been one of the worst teachers so far. Unfortunatly we're gonna have her in the Spring. She will then "teach" us the nerves. Oh what a joy... This is by far the most beautiful bone in the skull:




-Last weekend's Friday I went to the movies with Heidi and Erik. The movie was called The ugly truth. I think it has traumatized Erik for quite a while, but Heidi&I laughed so much xD Also this is where the insider victorydance originates from ;) After the movie we hanged out at Heidi's place until I almost fell asleep. Then I had to bike home, and I was lucky not to fall asleep on the bike...

-Have seen both seasons of True Blood! I don't know if the series is that good, at least not the first one. But the second is sooo much better. Anyhow it is quite interesting how it spellbinds you to watch more and more! Have also seen a couple of movies (nothing really good amongst it..) and the first season of Tudors.

-Realised that they havn't got any proper cards to send to men here in Tartu. I was looking for Fatherday's cards yesterday and I only found cards way too girly to send to a man. Ended up sending my Grandpa a card with Monet's painting on and a crazy monkey-card to my Dad. That was the best I could find.

-My bike. I really just want to make a bonfire out of it so it can literally burn in hell (hey it's Halloween today even... *evil grin*). My bike-thingie is the worst buy ever. If one thing is fixed the next thing starts to give me problems. Where are those helping hands when you need them?!

-Monday was my superenergyday! I was in school until 8pm to study the skull and even wanted to go out jogging after! It was such a wonderful evening! Warm and autumny and it wasn't even raining. That night I started to make food at about 9.30pm. Well if my neighbours don't think I'm crazy yet, after this week they probably will. (the fact that I'm watching series all night doesn't help...)

-Next Friday I'm gonna visit my brother at the army! They are having a parade/marching, because it's Svenska dagen (the Swedish-speaking's Day) and then you will get to look around there and eat some (hopefully good) food... I'm looking forward to it. Niko also made it trough the Barettmarschen; 70km of walking and they did it in 30 something hours. I really am proud of my little brother :)

-Yesterday I also bought a book; Jane Austen's Persuasion. I find it hard to read Austen in English, but hopefully it gets easier after some time. That will keep me occupied for tonight. Even though I should start reading for the Latinexam on Tuesday. Let's see ;)

-Made a mudcake today. But baking just isn't that fun if you haven't got somebody to share it with.

-My friends are having the anual Halloweenparty today and I would SO want to be there. First of all to see them and talk to them. But secondly because it's tradition. You basically can't miss out on that great event of ours. Emma is making decorations as always :D Love you guys and I would do anything to be there tonight!


Spooky Halloweengreatings to you all!

Energy!

Well after yesterday's good day-feeling, I continued today in the same spirit. Running high on positive feelings and enjoying life. Helped a classmate after school to move up and throw together some furniture. Always great helping people, specially if you get to know them better at the same time :) Afterwards you always have this nice feeling.

So this night I have been a bit restless. Would have liked to go out for a walk, since it wasn't that cold and it hardly rained at all. Instead I watched America's next top model. I am amazed every time by the beautiful pics they're taking. It would be amazing to learn how to photograph properly. And have a good camera too!
Anyhow I decided to try on my ballgowns for the TASLO anniversaryparty. My long (very simple) black dress didn't fit of course. Last time I have been wearing it I was in a much better shape. Since I've moved here I haven't been working out or put any emphasis on eating the "right" food. As I put the black dress on (without closing the zipper...) and messing around in it for a while I really got a kick out of the thought to get myself in shape again. So I will start eating good stuff and work out again. Because that will 1. give me something good to do and 2. bring me in a good mood (since loosing weight makes me happy and workout releases all endorphines).
The problem is just that I haven't been able to figure out if they have any proper gym here in Tartu. And last autumn I really got into working out at the gym. You feel and see how your muscles improve and the bodyshape changes.
Meanwhile I probably just have to put myself trough the pain of jogging (hate doing it...) or go swimming. Then add some home-workout program. Maybe that would do the trick. Lets see! :)

I start to get into this whole studything too. Even though I haven't been studying much lately. But tomorrow we will have a study-marathon at school with the skull's bones. At the same time we are being testrabbits for the second year's students. Some energydrink experiment. Well you have to suffer to support the greater good ;) I hope anyhow to put my excitement into work also. I have a tendency to just keep the excitement inside myself and not work with it. Yep I am stupid. I could accomplish so much with it.

So these next weeks I will work on healthier living and studies. And hopefully other important stuff in life. And doing things I really like. Reading, writing and talking to people :)

Love and miss you all at home!

Summary

This turned out to be a great day! It was nice in so many simple ways. The only thing that wasn't "perfect" was that I still let people influence my mood with their behaviour. And yeah the amount of chocolate consumed today...

But as I said simple stuff also made my day! Like blowdrying my hair in the morning (usually I let it airdry since I'm just too lazy..) Such a great fluffy feeling with blowdryed hair <3 Had lots of extratime in the morning, even though school began already at 9 am. So I actually could pick out a complete outfit with accessories.
I kept highspirits trough the (boring) laborationhours, but the chemistrylectures in the afternoon were a bit too much. Your brain just stops concentrating at some point. But still I thought that this teacher was much better than the previous!
When I got home I made a tuna-crap pie, cleaned the apartment, did the dishes, changed the bedsheets, organized ALL of my stuff. And boy it felt nice being surrounded my a clean house. Even though it took some time since I have this minimal brush and 29m2 to clean. But it was quite therapeutic. And looking at the result I am proud of myself. After this I basically did nothing of importance. Chat with some people, watch the newest episode of Heroes...

So maybe happiness is a decision. Not always but most of the time. And if you take the time to actually get stuff done you do feel good about yourself. It also gives you the energy to cope with other stuff you otherwise would be too lazy to do, eg. schoolstuff, cleaning... And you appriciate the "sparetime" you get for hanging on the internet ;)

Tomorrow is already Thursday, which means weekend! Have a nice weekend planned; swimming, going to the movies, studying the skull at school, participating in a energydrink survey-thingie at school... Really looking forward to it.

Head ööd!

A day by the book

Tere hommikust!

Today I decided to have a good day. Just like that. Happiness is a decision according to many wise people. I also decided to do everything by the book today. It's 8.50am and so far it's been going super. I had actually time to decide what I want to wear today, shower etc and still have time over!

A full report this evening about my by the book day :)

Hugs, Lara

Miracles still happen :D

Above: Frog's bloodsmear. This we have actually seen in the microscope for ourselves :)


I passed my last week's Histologytest! And I got a C! Wohoo! Even though I wrote stupid stuff like that the dermis has layers like: basement membrane (acutally right!), Growth layer(?), Death cell layer (?). I was actually laughing trough the whole test I thought it was that hilarious x)

Today was the Estonian exam, and I can pretty surely say that I will pass! Hope the same goes for this week's histology. I will promise to start studying histology properly. Since it's a really nice subject and the stained cells/tissues are really beautiful! In general the human body is just so amazing. For those who don't know what histology is exactly can click here. (It's so funny, all the teachers are refering to Wikipedia, even though at my former school, Arcada, Wikipedia was banned and you would fail your paper if you used it since it's not scientific material...)
Also as we now study the cranium and I found that it's just beautiful when you can see the places where veins have been and formed lines in the skullbone. Then the also the diffrent bones of the skull are connected by diffrent types of so called suturae and one has this sawlike edges and it forms also a nice and artistic edge there on the skull... I can easily love stuff I can learn easily. Like the bones. Stuff like the joints are more a pain in the ass and banned x)
I have been thinking about sneaking a bone into my bag and take it home as a souvenier... But I would probably look so guilty that they would stop me at the doors and take it away.

Well about last week:
Mum&Alicia did visit me. It was great having them here, but in some way I couldn't be really happy during they stay, and I feel really bad about it. Since it had nothing to do with them, just that I relaxed and let all the frustration show. Which was not a good thing to do. I just miss everybody at home and it's sad when you know they have to leave soon again. I got to be in Helsinki Saturday-Sunday, and had some pretty intense days with meeting people. Irene was in town from Stockholm, so I met up with her, which was great, I've been missing talking and seeing her. Then a quick shower at Linda's place, then meeting the Arcada-girls. Amazing how things still can be just like before even though we don't go to the same school anymore! And after that to the Gold&Green Ball at church. Some people's reaction about seeing me there were worth the whole trip: "Lara you should be in Estonia. Wow I don't get it, WHY ARE YOU HERE. Totally unbelievable!". Talking to people there was super, being around and feeling the atmosphere. On Sunday I went to my old branch and met a lot of old friends there too. I even had time to go to Leppävaara and meet Jenny. Sorry Jenny for me being so tired. I basically slept nothing during that weekend...!
It's quite interesting how people better keep in touch with you, and how you yourself keep better in touch with the people in your life when your abroad. Almost like your grasping and gathering all your friends together and make sure you don't lose them. I hope to bring this spirit into normal life too, because it sure would make things a lot easier. Amongst other things you also forgive and forget easier. And you get a whole new perspective on things when you're taken away from the normal environment.

Well with Mum&Alicia we did go to all shops in Tartu it feels like it at least. Mum bought some clothes and we went to a massage together at their hotel. Was sore the whole weekend after that!! But it was effective and CHEAP! 45min back+neck massage about 17€! So I will definitly come again!

I think I need to get some order into my life, and I came to this conclusion even before Mum yesterday had a bit of a moral preach about how the keys of my own happiness lies in my hands. I just need to use it. Well I think I also know where the problem lies, I should focuse on the important stuff in life. I have been promised great things in life. I have family and friends at home who support me 100%. I finally study what I want, and get proper challenges from my studyprogram. I have friends in Tartu. I have an own apartment. Etc. etc.

Wow I am thinking positivly! Yeee! Way to go. Now I probably do some (non-educational)reading, I have like 9 books here. Which is nothing; maybe that's why it still doesn't feel a 100% homey here?! Sorry I'm just a bookfreak. They're friends and nice to look at. One never knows what is hiding inside them :)
So anyhow, I want to start reading a new book, since I haven't any panic-studying ahead so it would be a good timing. Bye bye!

Kas sa räägid eesti keelt?

Estonian mini-exam coming up tomorrow and I have not studied enough. Seems to be getting the theme of my studies, never to study just enough. I came back from Helsinki yesterday after two great days. Before that my Mum and little sister were visiting. So well, there were better things to do than study (as always?!).

I really really have to figure out life in Tartu. Getting a hobby, knowing my city, integrate, learn Estonian... Since the weather isn't getting any better, my mood isn't either. Which affects my studies and my life here in general. Then again it seems like I don't have time to do anything anymore, but this mainly depends on me spending time on unnecessary stuff like facebook all the time.
It would be nice to "costumize" my apartment and make it look more like me. Or get some stuff here that would make it more cozy for those cold nights when the wind is going crazy outside (like tonight...)

I did pass my muscle exam, and got an encouraging mail from my professor were he stated "Test not go so well, 7.1points, so well you get C" I was so happy about my C, best I could hope for so I don't really understand the disappointing mail. Well lets hope I passed histology last week, that surely didn't go well.
More another night, have to go to sleep early since I'm probably getting the same flu my visitors had. Still have to do some studying though...

Head ööd!

Passed!?!

Today was my muscle test. This morning, I had actually been awake for some time, but didn't want to begin the new day just yet, my classmate called me, with a bit of a terrified voice and said
Lara I don't know any muscles. I haven't studied at all.
I didn't even know what the time was, and during that sentence I had a what the heck moment, since as I walked to the kitchen I saw that it was snowing. Yeah you read correct. Snowing. In Tartu. In October. It hasn't even snowed in Jakobstad yet!!!
So yeah we did a quick run-through of some of the muscles. And I think I did okay on my test. Hope my friend did pass too.
After school some friends came over to my place and helped me kill the last of my choco-muffinpie. I did some improvised food as well. And Heidi showed us this super funny song on youtube another one of those funny insiderjokes xD Somehow I made it throuuuu-uuuugh....!
Tomorrow one of those super histology minitest. They aren't that difficult, but I still have a bad consious if I don't prepare. I don't wanna be a bad student :P On the other hand there are so many other nice things to do. And I feel a bit of a tiny autumn(or winter?) depression coming up. What if I will be stuck at my place the whole winter. Covered in deep snow. Nobody noticing me being dead. The doves ramming through the windows and eating bits of the dead me...
Okay happy thoughts! I will have to find something fun to do after school. A hobby. Or a gymn nearby! Otherwise this will be a looong winter. And it would be nice getting something else to do besides all kind of stuff you have to do but at the same time it would give you some more routine in the everyday life. Of course you can always meet up with friends, watch a movie, read a book or hang around on facebook. But yeah I have to find a gym. Or I will go crazy.

About the Estonian shops:
I have been trying to find a shop where they sell like these 1kg or bigger packages of salt. Not those tiny they sell along with the spices. And on Saturday, when I desperatly was looking for cups to make cupcakes I found all these other suff I've been looking(not any cups ofcourse) for in this shitty and really unorganized shop near my house. The 1kg packages of salt were on the same spot as the backingstuff, like flour and sugar. And that shop did in fact have dishbrushes. Oh how I've longed for one of those. I hate those swamps they sell, don't used to use that at all and it makes me feel uncomfy using them. So I just had to buy it.

That you have an oven in your apartment isn't something to take for granted here. But I am pleased to inform you dear readers that I do have one. Hopefully I will get some more bakingequipment here soon, and visitors to eat my baked stuff, because I really love doing it. Only bad thing is the dishes afterwards. But maybe it's worth for the joy of homebaked cakes/cookies/scones. Uuuh I really have to make some scones someday. Simple and yummy!

Oh well, it's getting late. And I hear the epithelial tissues are calling for me. Have a nice evening everyone!

2am Monday morning

I should be studying or at least sleeping. Tomorrow we will have our muscle-test, hope that everything will go well. Afterwards there will be a small celebration at my place which includes my choco-muffin/pie. The thing with that is that it SHOULD be muffins but i didn't have any cups to put them in, so I put them in a pie-thingie instead.
Anyhow here I am in the middle of the night and looking at this summer's pics. They're just too hilarious to be true (specially at 2am with an overdose of Pepsi Max). If i would ever lose my friends or in some way offend them those pics could probably harm my future carrier as a doctor xD Or maybe my future husband will divorce me or something. My point is; we're always having a blast and document it at the least representable times x) But that's one of the things that makes the girls to the best friends someone could wish for. We're doing fun stuff without regrets or anyone complaining about it (except the poor outsiders that might stand in our way). I am happy to announce that at every one of our engagement/weddingparties these pics will come in quite handy :D Pity that all the previous photos are at home, can't sit and look and laugh at them here!
This weekend I basically just was at the apartment. Did of course some groceryshopping etc. Made some food and the muffinthingie for two hours on Saturday. But it tasted good at least. Had too much time to think about unneccessary stuff though, so I ended up being mad at everything and everyone.
On Wednesday Mom and Alicia will come to Tartu! Then we'll leave for Helsinki together on Saturday and I will be able to meet some people and attend the Gold&Green Ball. Always nice to dress up!
I did see some movies this weekend, and the best of the was the Proposal with Sandra Bullock. The beginning and middle part was the best, laughed about it a lot, but the end was a bit too cliché for me. Also saw Ice Age 3 and X-men origins-Wolverine. Of those the latter was the worst movie I had seen in a while, didn't like it at all. Also did the mistake of starting to read a really good book I found in Germany. I think it's called Graceling in English. A teenage book, and a lovestory in a fantasyworld (not too much fantasy though, don't like that at all) and it's a bad combination if you have to prepare for a test. So i basically read that all afternoon today and in between this evening/night when I prepared for my test.
(red muscles: oxidative, long working muscles; white muscles: anaerobic muscles fast and explosive working.)
This probably sounds absurd but I really need to get rubbergloves so that I can start touching the dead guy in the morgue and learn by him(it?!) the muscles and so on. So much more down to business and easier to remember. Well you could touch him without them, but well, I think you know why I don't want to. A bit yak... And that smell. It isn't that bad actually, since they have preparated him quite well, but it's something you just have never smelled before and it gets stuck in your nose, so when I came home on Friday after being in the morgue I had that smell still stuck in my nose and I almost lost my apetite since I imagined that everything I ate tasted as the smell from the morgue. Maybe a job as a pathologist wouldn't fit me after all. But I assume you would get used to the funny smell.
(muscles of masticuation: m.pterygoideus medialis, m.pterygoideus lateralis, m.masseter, m.temporalis)
It's quite funny to try imagining people looking/hearing what we're talking about/doing as medical students and how this would sound/look to them. I think I won't repeat any of that stuff here, people might get offended at the humour. It's like when I try to tell people a fascinating story about the human body or my fascination to someday be able to do own autopsies or surgial procedures. They just don't get it. Well to have the goal of becoming a doctor in a (near?) future is what keeps you going. And it's what makes you come to not so interesting classes such as biophysics or medical chemistry...
(m.sternocleidomastoideus-origin:manubrium sterni, extremitas sternalis (clavicula); insertion:os temporalis-function:unilateral-flexio of the head to one side, bilateral:lifting the head a bit for-and upwards, also a respiratory muscle)
Maybe I should just go and get some sleep, otherwise I will surely fail my test tomorrow even though I'm gonna pass the biophysicslecture in the morning.

Nighty nighty!

Life's irony

The stormy weather continued this Sunday so I decided to not step out of my apartment and to pray that no tree will fall on the house. Nasty nasty weather. Well at least I don't have to have a bad feeling about being lazy. At least physically. Since I've done some studying today. And now I know why histology(about cells and tissues) probably won't be me favorite subject and that I did the right decision not ordering that horrible book. It has been taking all day (almost) to finnish the one section I have my test about on Tuesday. Urgh. As long as there are just microscope, preparations and pens involved it's fine. But please spare me of this book.

***
I've also been chatting with a friend and it reminded me of another talk we had some weeks ago. (This friend will remain anonymous, maybe X doesn't want to be pointed out... (x ) Since we were talking about the same subject as today, the men not present in our lives. Well a couple of weeks ago X actually came to the big conclusion: Lara, you know what I just realised? You don't have any luck with guys. Never. They always treat you like shit in the end.
This conclusion took me a bit by surprise, I mean not that it was anything new. She also started to mention several names and well yeah I got the point. I think I have come to a point were I don't care anymore, of course I get angry, but I have better things to do and spend my time on than guys. But I find it ironically hilarious that one always picks the wrong guys. Wonder what a psychologist would say about this x) (I like those ironic moments life gives you when you can't do anything else than laugh about the whole situation)

At least 3 people (all male!) asked me last week at the wedding when I will get married. I just thought seriously people?! I just started my medical studies and will celebrate my 21st birthday in December. In my opinion I have all the time in the world (almost). That doesn't mean you can't have fun along the way.... When I have found a person like Juno describes:

Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood. Bad mood. Ugly, pretty, handsome. The right person still will think the sun shines out of your ass.That's the kind of person worth sticking with.

...then I maybe will consider him ;)

At the same time people at home are getting engaged/married/buy houses/have babies. It's funny how different our lives start to be after high school. Before that people are quite similar in a lot of ways. And it's good to know that it's there you get to know friends that will stay in your life for a looong time!

***
If you aren't familiar with the cd Duffy-Rockferry I highly recommend it to you. I got it last week from my dad as he left Germany, and I took a later flight. As a goodbye gift. I've listened to it before and it always amazes me what a wonderful voice she has!
A bit more dancy is David Guetta-One love. House-music at it's best and finest.

I guess the histologybook is calling for me, better go and read before he attacks me... And in the kitchen the dishes probably won't wash themselves. But for a while I will at least ignore them, I still have some plates left...

Wake me up when September ends, NOT!

So this is one of my best buys this autumn probably. I bought it in Germany about a week ago at Frankfurt university's medical bookshop. Half the price of the one (in English) here, and that is only the 14th edition; note that this is the 22nd. And I love it. The pictures are great, and even though it's heavy and big it's amazingly good. I have noticed that the German Atlases are the only good ones. Since American and English ones often not have the Latin names and haven't any proper pics. Every Anatomyatlas they recommend is German. So go Germany!

My week in Germany was amazing. I went to the movies twice (Up! and The time traveller's wife), got to attend some great weddingreceptions, went and checked out some proper bookstores (not only the medical one...), got to see a round of icehockey of my "childhood"team(explanation later..) and best of all: meeting the family.
So the thing about me and icehockey: my aunt really got me into it already when I was a kid, she took me to watch the trainingsessions of the Frankfurt Lions and likes to tell the story about younger me getting scared to death about a player splashing some water on the spot behind the plasticwall where my face was. And after all those times I really do like watching icehockeygames live. Preferably of course my childhood-team and with my aunt.

Up! was is a Disney movie and we saw it in 3D which was really cool. The movie was good and sad also, since it can be related to some recent events in our own family. But we had a good laugh about the movie also. The time traveller's wife was quite a good movie, but the book is better. As always. My dad liked it, and that sort of amazed me since I think it's quite a girly movie. Or not girly, but dramatic. Anyhow, really recommend it, and obviously men like it too :D

A fun thing happend when I arrived at Frankfurt airport. I went to the wrong luggageclaimroom so I had to go to the information and ask them to get me into the right room to get my backpack. And the man asked where I was coming from. I said Estonia. He responded, okay what would you do in Estonia, and why didn't the group you were with say that you went to the wrong room (he then asked his assistant if Estonia was a Schengercountry even; some people just are ignorant). I don't thing he believed me when I said I was travelling alone and that I nowadays live in Estonia. Maybe he thought it is some weird Middle-Asian country or something...

Well when I came back and arrived at Tartu airport I shared a cab with a German man. Or it didn't come up before the driver asked him where he came from. So we started talking in German, and he was from Berlin. Hopefully he liked Tartu, he was here as a guestlecturer who accidently had sign up for it and I think he regreted it a bit as he arrived at our airport. Where the luggage claim consists of a box that is dragged by a minicar and consisting all the luggage. And you have to walk with your bags unto the securitycheck. It is quite hilarious.

When I came home I happily noticed my bike was still at the same spot inside the house beside the door where I left it. But in the apartment it was freezing cold. The autumnwarmth was over and my house hadn't put on the heatingsystem. Nice. The next morning a nice surprise awaited me as I tried to open my frontdoor. My bike was blocking the minor space between the three doors on my floor. The back tire was all flat and someone had put a note on it to please not leave the bike there since it's blocking the passage. Well I certainly didn't move it; and at 1am that same morning it had still been downstairs. So I was really pissed and it didn't get better in school when I had to write my jointstest and tried to do my oral bone exam. The joints I got an E from, so I passed it merely. The bones I had to retake (I in fact just took it to try it out which was really good in the end since I was prepared for this new and akward situation where you have to take a oral test in front of your classmates)

So I was really freaked out the rest of the week, barely getting any sleep 'cause of it. On Wednesday I was in the morgue studying the bones (they have them there on one of those tables so you can learn them). One by one I went them through until I could every single tuberositas, tuberculum, facies articulares... But it was really fun even though it was plain studying for about 6hours. We got to see a dead guy too, he was under one of those metalboxes on a table. Didn't look so fresh anymore.
I actually got to know a cute guy there too. It was just me and him there and then he came over to my table and started asking (first in Estonian) about how you know if you have a left or a right ulna, and we talked some more... I almost laughed out loud afterwards it was like something out of Grey's Anatomy; romance in the morgue x) And I felt like a real medical student for once!
The bonestest the next day went excellent, I got an A! I felt like I was on top of the world. That was even better than the activating of the heating system that Tuesday before!

I decided then to go to the getting-to-know party for the medical students that same evening and I have to say the preparty- and postpartytime was so much better than the actual party. Just hanging around and talking. We did that until 4.30 am that morning without realizing it but it's a good thing that they have cabs available around the clock. I live after all 4km from my friend's apartment. And as i mentioned; the weather isn't the nicest right now. And it's really unpredictable. One minute there is amazing sunshine and the next it starts to pour down rain or as yesterday hail!!!!!! Here I should always have my umbrella with me. But that sucks since it takes up so much space in my bag.

The electricity went out for about half an hour Thursday morning and I took the situation and talked to two old ladies who live a floor below me. I did this by having the advice of my classmate in mind(she has been living here for a year already) that if I want to learn Estonian I should speak with my neighbours. And it went (quite) okay, when one of the ladies asked me who I was, "we don't know you, where do you live?" the other one answered "kortteli 8" (aparment 8). So those old ladies spying on everybody they are everywhere. But these two seemed really nice and they were patient with my fake(Finnish)Estonian. I try not to speak English or Finnish with people if they ask me something (like on the street or in the cab) and I hope this desperate act will make me learn this language. Because I really want to learn it! Since I also begin to love Tartu and being here.

Okay the clock is about 4am Sunday morning and I don't want to go to bed, but since there is no one only in facebook or msn maybe I will have to. Tomorrow I have to get some serious studying done, cause even though I decided not to retake my jointexam I still have Histology on Tuesday and Analytical Chemistry the day after that. On Monday TASLO; the Finnish medical student's society here in Tartu has a introevening for us with free food etc. So I won't be studying that much on Monday I assume...

Well I hope you have had a nice weekend; at least I had! :)

Job opening

Job describtion:
bodyguarding, cooking, massaging, driving, keeping company, occassional cleaning, shopping for groceries, decisionmaking help, repairing&fixing

Features:
Tall, preferably male, IT-knowledge

Working hours:
Whenever I need help

Starting date:
As soon as possible

Salary:
None

Good day!

Real human bones to learn by heart....


Sunday's usually turn out to be a lazy start of the new week! Today has been one of those lazy Sundays, except that I studied the bones for a while and I had to do some laundry too. Tuesday morning will be departureday; Germany here I come! Great with some time off. Even though I have to study a whole lot, bones&joints exam coming up in a week!!! Hope I will manage.

Friday I went and bought a bike! I was so happy about it, and imagine the disappointment when the chain jumped off 3 times on the way home... I got really angry and depressed, seemed like everything I choose I choose wrong. But on Saturday I went back to the store and they fixed it for me. Since then I have been a happy bikeowner, who just yesterday realized that I only have 10min. to town by bike!

Friday was partyday, at Raatuse with my former roomie and a bunch of other people. One of those crazy nights again. Came "home" to her place at about four in the morning.... If you want to know more you'll have to ask ;P
Saturday evening we met at Dolce Vita for some Italian food; a bunch of us who are studying medicine here. Good food, nice company! I was a bit afraid to leave my bike chained outside that time of the week, but nothing happend with it. Maybe I'm just being paranoid about stuff here.

Put up some pics today from Estonia and last Summer on facebook, if you wanna have a look. I had a good time remembering past fun days with friends. Still have to take some pics from my new apartment and put them on facebook.

Past week

It's been a while since I wrote; and there have been some stuff going on :) First of all: I had a great weekend in Helsinki. Being around Swedish-speaking Finns (even though they have their own Southern accent) is really nice. Me and Jenny didn't do much, but it still was a wonderful weekend. I did however buy another little black dress. I think Lii has had some "bad" influence on me with her dresscraziness. But they are just soooo... wonderful! And since I will be amongst the closest familymembers at my aunt's wedding next week in Germany.....
We did also watch the movie Brüno. Compared to Borat this movie really was over the edge and it wasn't even in a funny way... So don't watch it, you'll be wasting your time!
And we got to do some hard work too, as we were putting together an Ikea-table. Real women neither need men nor machines for this task. Just the right music (low low low, you spin my head right round and what comes around goes around) were needed and the screws did finally get into their proper places!
Saturday night was Inledande sitz at Teknologföreningen. Jenny studies at TKK which means that she also gets me connected with the right people to get me into the right parties ;) It was a pitty that we had to catch the last bus, since the "feelis" was just at its best when we left :/ Next time we will sleep at TF we decided. If the party is just as good as that time!

Sunday I really did believe I was ready to go back and take up my Tartu-life. WRONG! On the boat+bus back I really got depressed and low after my euphoric weekend (and week as a matter of fact; lots of parties going on...)
Tuesday was movingday! I was sad to leave Raatuse, since I had gotten used to the company. But being in my own little space made me, once again, euphoric. Since then it's been up and down with my mood. Hoping to get some balance in my life real soon!

Today me and two girls from school went to a gym-class Stripdancing. Yes that's right. I have actually always wanted to try something like that, and I was really funny :P We did put the joint's axes (as we learned today in Anatomy) into action!!! Maybe now the theoretical part will be learned easier...?!

I just figured out today that Latin is probably the most logical language of all. When I studied my babies, aka the bones, I got the "smart" idea to look up some of the words on the internet. And boy when you really KNOW what all that stuff about tuberculum, apex, caput and company is this Anatomy gets a lot easier. Maybe I will learn the bones&joints by heart in a week after all?! But our Latinteacher isn't the greatest (who cares about stressing syllables and pronounciation in a dead language that Estonians and Finns have a different opinion on what is the right way anyhow?!?! I will need to learn it the "wrong" way around anyway when I work in Finland)

Well I have a great weekend ahead; hope you will have a goodie too!

Helsinki in my heart!

What I've been missing:
-Finnish apartments
-Finnish water
-Friends
-My own Swedish dialect
-Having those, I-know-exactly-what-you-think-without-saying-it, moments
-Helsinki area's buses, lähijunat and spåran
-Proper food
-Feeling at home and at ease!

I arrived after about 9hours of travelling in Espoo/Helsinki. But we had a real fun trip together with some other girls from my class. Me and Heidi went buffe-eating on the boat, and namnam it was good :D Here are the travelfacts about my trip "home"
1. Taxi from the facultybuilding to bussijaam (busstation) ~10min
2. Bus leaving at 5pm and arriving in Tallinn at 7.30pm
3. Walking from the busstation to the ship, took some time since we went to a supermarket on our way.
4. By boat (tallink) to Helsinki 9-11pm
5. Lähijuna to Leppävaara

But yeps I feel at home, even though I'm staying at a friend's apartment. Just being here is awesome. Had to recover from some late nights also, and have to study also. Don't think I'm gonna have any luck with that though, so the bones just have to wait!

I should get going, meeting Jenny in 1,5h and have to get to tkk by that. Then we're off to Helsinki centre, have to find some proper shoes if I want to walk there in Tartu. Btw don't ever buy any Lacosteshoes, hate mine and they aren't very fine quality even though you pay a lot of money for them....

With love from Helsinki!

Partyfeeling

So here I am again! In a good mood and would like to do some serious partying tonight. But I have been on partymotion since, uhm, Friday?! Anyhow, tonight would be perfect, even though I have classes at 9 am tomorrow x)

Yesterday a bunch from our class watched a movie, Blow, another good Depp-movie! He's just such a genious. Perfect actor, and quite good-looking too.

Next week I'll be moving to my own apartment, about 4km from citycentre. Hope I won't die a social death there. Since I am extremly sällskapssjuk at the moment. Have definitly got to get a bike to get around town! Buses aren't going that often so... But at least it's near school.

The practicals I'll be missing, I got them all figured out by now. Talked to the teachers and so on. I can enjoy my stay in Germany without having to worry!

Had a real bad schoolday, don't know how I got all depressed and down. But it's always a up and down. One day good, then the next day bad. Talked about it with a couple of classmates, and had a nice afternoon in town with our Swedish guy. Ate some nice pasta and went to kaubamaja etc. Actually saw some older students I knew from before. And they are living just above the pastarestaurant! :) GREAT apartment. Probably will look at some objects in town, even though I have found one I want to find a better one :D

It is almost awful how fast you forget that you are dealing with REAL bones in Anatomy. But it's fun, can't wait until we get to "play" with the corpses.

Första helgen!

So this time I'll write in Swedish, sorry :P

Jepp så har det efter vad som verkar tusen år blivit helg! Hade ledigt igår, fredag, och de flesta från klassen skulle fara hem (verkar det som iallafall). Jag tog tillfället i akt och gick på ärenden efter en slapp förmiddag. Måste anmäla mig till Tartu stad som invånare, fixa studiekort och före det foton, handla nåt smått. På kvällen hade vi blivit bjuden att joina de estniska veterinärstudernaden på nån restaurang. Men bestämde mig sist och slutligen för att fara med min tyska rumskompis och hennes vänner ut och äta, sen till en bar. Tror bestämt igår var bästa dagen i mitt estniska liv. Fick vara ifred på dagen på rummet också, vilket va skönt. Börjar tänka positivt och försöker att börja finna min plast i mitt nya hemland. För som sagt att avbryta studierna är inget alternativ för mig. Det är här jag skall vara! Första tiden var i Hesa också svårt för mig, men jag tror det framträder bara tydligare då jag är i en helt ny kultur och inte kan språket. Sen känns barriären och ta sig hem överstor, en helg skulle jag kanske hinna va hem lite mer än 24h om jag skulle fara med båt+tåg. Hitta ett billigt flyg dock i oktober på 140€ Tallinn-Vasa. Då skulle man spara tid. Bara man hinner ta sig till Tallinn efter lektionerna, har practicals som jag inte kan vara bort från på torsdags eftermiddag...

"Av ständig oro för stort och smått blev jag alltmer som en igelkott" har en lyriker sagt. Och jag vet inte, den meningen snurrar i huvudet på mig allt som oftast nu. Men jag skall motverka och inte bli en igelkott. Jag är tyvärr av naturen en person som oroar och grubblar mycket, ofta mot det negativa hållet. En känsloperson helt enkelt. Men jag tror hårt på att det finns en mening med att jag kommit hit för att studera och att det ingår i någon större plan. Det har pushat mig idag. Och sen att folk tror på mig! Det är det bästa stödet man kan ge åt mig :) Sen alla erfarenheter. Som att igår bara hänga på med ett okänt gäng och ändå känna sig totalt välkommen och som en i gänget. Har bestämt mig för att vänder saker till det positiva. Har haft det tidigare som mål också, men nu har ju spelpjäserna ändrat lite... Måste påminna mig själv om mina gamla löften :D

Har bestämt mig och använda min estniska ordbok mera. Så här kommer några enkla ord:

Hej: Tere
Hejdå: Nägemist
Tack: Tänan/aitäh
-tack så mycket: suur tänu
Please: Palun

En intressant, men samtidigt skrämmande, sak som vår anatomilärare berätta var att orsaken till varför vi inte använder nyare ben på lektioner (de vi har e hundra år ca). Eftersom folk har minskat sin motion och aktivitet så syns det även på benen. Fåror och håligheter utvecklas inte, och man får ett "outvecklat" skelett. Eftersom det är muskler som formar dem. Aldrig tänkt på den saken!!
Vänta på våren då vi skall få börja leka runt med muskler och mer "färska" saker. Folk brukar tycka det är äckligt, och kanske också känslokallt allt tycka det. Att det ju är en död människa. Men som jag redan fick märka på sommarjobbet att en död kropp är bara en död kropp. Det är inte personen som e kvar utan bara höljet. "Innehållet" finns på en mycket bättre plats. Det kände jag starkt då jag fick se min fammos döda kropp; det fanns inget som påminde om henne alls i kistan... Dessutom har man alltid en professionell mantel på sig då det gäller okända, man kan hålla det avstånd som krävs för att göra sin sak bra!

(huhu vi har en roskcontainer som syns från fönstret, och alltid jag går för att öppna/stänga fönstret är det en ny gubbe som gräver där!!!!!!)

Vädret är som förhäxat, man vet aldrig på förmiddagen hur vädret sen blir. T.ex. igår så ösregna det, sen på eftermiddagen blev det stekande solsken mitt i allt. Weird... Har nu alltid med paraply för nödsituationer ;)

Have a nice Saturday!

Things I've noticed

Okay first of all I think everyone notices that I don't have a "life life" here yet, since I'm writing to my blog and I'm online on facebook+msn all the time. I'm so desperate I even go to the ground floor to "steal" internetconnection since the one in my room seems to have gone loca.

It's quite funny how Estonians always put in the sound nh-hmm everywhere after, before or in a sentence. Sometimes it also fills out a silence and it means also yes. I can't describe it, but it's just a funny sound I noticed. Now I always smile when I hear it.

In a class, no matter how small or big, there are always specific roles to be filled; some stereotypical ones, but it is true that they always exist. This isn't a bad thing and neither can I describe the roles, but I could name exactly every one by name who has filled the same role through all of my different classes. The hard part is not to compare and draw up behavourial lines in advance of those people. There IS always the possibility that you might be wrong ;)

And I ought to say too; it is ironic that every single time I think I've improved from latter behaviour (now I'm talking about social skills with in a new group), I always behave the same. I am a social person, but I just hate "having to get to know" situations. It makes me feel odd and act precisely the opposite of what I should act. But I think deep down it's hard, at least in some part, to get to know a bunch of new people at the same time.

About the Estonian language: it's a beautiful language. It has a very soft and fresh sound I think. A bit like children's feet running across a parquett-floor; light, fast and short. Hopefully I'll manage it soon, at least some words and expressions. I probably have to do it the missionary kind of way: write on all obejct their names in Estonian :P And learn one new word from my dictionary every day. The positive thing about not being on a mission and learning this, is that I have access to a TV and probably will catch some words/expressions from there too hehe. Our Estonianteacher in school is really good, so I have no doubt that with her help I will get a nice base to this language. Adaption is much easier if you can communicate with the natives ;)

Have patience if I start repeating myself, I left my braincells at school so I don't remember what I've written already. Soon this girl is off to get some sleep! Nighty nighty!

Apartment!

I went to look at that apartment I was talking about, and I got it. I think they were almost more eager about it than I was, because they had 3 others who would like to come and look at it, and they even are going to fix a washingmachine for me in there (probably to bribe me...) It is 30m2 and is about 5km from the city centre, but on the same street as most of my classes. The outside looks like a big cementblock, but the inside of my apartment is really new and cosy. There is no seperate bed, it's a sofa that will do for that, but I will get a thin madress to put on it so it will be fine. A bit painful are the sums that I will have to pay, almost all at the same time, but they are necessary. So I have to get a bike!

My two roomies cleaned the aparment I live in now today, so for once there is a nice smell around, and suddenly I get second thoughts about moving away... (just kidding)

So I still have to go to the studentvillage-office and try to find a way out of my contract. Hope that will go smoothly. Since I wasn't aware of that I could go and see the apartment before!!! So I just signed without seeing it.

Well I have to get ready, we're going to some restaurant/bar tonight to grab a bite to eat (I'm starving btw).

I'll keep in touch and write some more as soon as I have time :)

What a feeling...

...to not be able to sleep because of your roomie's having drinkingbuddies over for a small get-together! The stench is spreading I may inform you, since several of our "guests" are smokers, sum that up with the alcohol->nice nice.

Well I found another great apartment, it's on the same street I was at yesterday. It looks even more cozy than the other one!! So tomorrow I will call the woman handling this object. That would also mean I would have a valid excuse not to show up at a dinner/drinking party tomorrow. I'm just not up to that yet... All the Q&A-part.

I will also slink in a recommendation; watch Harper's island! It's addictive! And spooky ;)

There are actually quite a few YA in church here, which is great! Some new friends there at least on Sunday.


As soon as this party in our kitchen is over, I will go to sleep. Hope it's sooner than later!

First day of school

As I assumed yesterday, my roomie and I haven't got the same priorities in staying here at all. Don't get me wrong, she is really nice, but we just have different goals here. I don't know when she came home, but I went to sleep at about 1 am, and then she wasn't here. I had to get up at 6am, and even though I try to prepare everything the evening before so that I won't make so much noise, it's still not nice bothering people. And when I came home today I just wanted to have a quiet time for myself. But noooo, I did have company, still have.

The aparment I looked at yesterday was perfect. But I will meet up with a girl from church and maybe we can figure something else out. And at class today there seem to be more people than me not liking Raatuse 22 (dorm's address), maybe I could find someone to share an apartment with :) Much better than living alone I think!

Some more about my apartment: In the kitchen there are beercans in a line on the topshelf (no wonder that there is a stench around here). The walls are grey. The toilet and shower are in seperate rooms. When the toilet "flushes" it's like at home when you try to flush the last of the water out of the container. That low a pressure the water has here. You're lucky if you get the paper to flush down... I will put up some pics about all the nice things soon. I avoid the kitchen as much as possible...

The first day of school is always odd, especially when everybody has got to known each other at the orientation course. There are mostly Finns, one Swedishspeaking Finn, one Swedish guy and 2 from Estonia. I hope people intend to continue this thing, because at least I am serious about it. And I don't have the money or the time to visit Finland all the time. Well I hope to find a good friend here soon! I need my social network!

The teachers are so far nice and seem to know their stuff. We had Latin, Estonian and Biophysics today, tomorrow we'll have Biology and Anatomy! Yey, the real stuff ;)

First impressions

So here I am in my new hometown, going on day three. It's a bit like a collission between Finland, germany and Russia here. Something from each culture.
The houses here are real diffrent from each other. There are these nice and fancy newbuilt ones and old ones, looking like they survived World War II or something like that. But I think that people are more into renovating the inside of their houses/apartments, then the outside. And as Mom pointed out, the old wall-materials they have used building the original walls are probably steadier and weatherproof than the new ones.

That gets me to my own studentdorm. They somehow figured out to put me on the same floor as the ERASMUS-students, which means a lot of partying and noise in the evening/night. Lets look how my first night here will go. I hate it there, and it's not just sharing a 16m2 room with another girl, but it's dirty and small. And former exchange students have just left a lot of garbage there, so it really is awful. But in about one hour I will meet a lady who is coordinating apartments for rent on the private market, and we will together look at an object near my own faculty, which is a bit outside the centre of town. Hopefully it's nice and I can move in there in a couple of days. It's a 30m2 apartment with all necessary furniture etc. and the rent is quite okay too. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

I will need to get a bike too, people are walkers to the core here, and maybe that explains why everyone is so SKINNY. Because they are, and they're tall too and all girls/women are walking in high-heels, don't know how they manage to do that, since the distance to town can be a couple of kilometers. So maybe I shouldn't buy a bike, just start walking everywhere, then the extra-kilos will fall off me ;)

Tomorrow is the first day "of school" and I hope things will look a bit brighter after that. Getting to know some people and so on... seeing my goal again and that will motivate me in staying and also enjoying my stay here.

Stuff here is cheaper than in Finland, at least most of the time. In a country where 2liters of Coca Cola cost about 1€ maybe is my cup of cake?! But some people literally do stink, and today I might have found out why: Shampoo costs about 3€ and if you're short on money... you can imagine the rest.

Yesterday Mom and I walked around for about 2 hours to find the Tartu branch, without any success. Mom got frustrated for the first time while being here (we arrived Saturday afternoon). I was just happy and enjoying the city (for the first time during my stay).

So that will be all for this time, have to go and meet that lady showing me the apartment soon!

Frustrating things...

So today I went to KELA (Finnish health insurance department) to get an appliance-paper for some social benefits. I had to wait in line just because their homepage was stupid enough not to give it to me. And here in Pietarsaari their office is quite shabby and the employees too few.

Then I went to my normal insurance company to get a travel insurance (the school needs it). But they just told me a lot of crap and didn't listen to anything I told them. They just complicated things, so I went away real angry and frustrated. I won't ever buy any insurance from them, that's for sure. They made me look like I didn't know what I was talking about, even though it was the other way around.

On top of all, a car almost hit me and my friend on our hunt for all kinds of stuff around town. But it was mainly the insurance company's fault, since they send me to get some more information about my move (but since I already knew all of that it was quite unnecessary).

The only nice person who really helped me was at the magistraten and she implied how stupid those i-companies are, since they don't seem to get that you can be a citizen in Finland still and get all benefits even though you're studying in a foreign country.

I will write KELA and the i-company some feedback, and boy it won't be good ones!

But I think stuff are working out, and that I will be ready to head to Helsinki on Tuesday morning! The same day I will have lunch at my "old" school and meet some of my classmates, which I really look forward to! Just being in Helsinki will be fun, since it is my favorite town. Along with Frankfurt, Stockholm and London.

Tomorrow they have the traditional Spotlight event in Pietarsaari and it will be the last evening with my girls for a very loooong time. I hate to say goodbye, even though it's not forever. But still... I'm really blessed with great friends(older and newer), and especially when you move away from each other you realise how hard it is to be as comfy with new friends as with old ones you've known for many years. That doesn't mean that you can't find new good friends, but friendship is always a process!

Problem of the week: How to get your cat to swallow the whole dose of it's oral antibiotics-fluid when it's so smart that it won't eat any food that smells like it and spits it out the second it gets it in its mouth????

Book of the week: Right now I'm reading Ian McEwan: Atonement. It is as good as the movie so far (have about half of it left), and really complex by showing all people's perspective on the story. The library-scene from the movie is at least as intense in the book too ;)

Photo highlights

Take 5 girls and 5 kg of strawberries and have a picnic in the park!

Make sure to jump out of joy...



And this is what will be left at the end of the evening :)

Lii's birthday in Vaasa

Singing some Lips on the Xbox


Partying later on

Festinord in Denmark

The week ended with a James Bond-themed Gala Ball




They even brought in a Lamborghini



The ladies ;)

Riina's birthday in Vaasa

The birthdaygirl herself. Real yummy cake!



All the girls gathered <3

Tartu/Estonia

I googled facts about my new city/country of residence and here you too can get some facts about it:

Estonia

-The official language is Estonian, but many people do also have Russian as a mothertongue

-They still use Estonian Krones as their money, but are planning to join the EMU as soon as possible. Inflation still is too high. (hope this WILL happen next year as planned!)

-Their capital city is Tallinn, which also is the biggest city with 400.000 inhabitants

-They declared themselves independent after world war I, but didn't get independence until Soviet's fall in the early 90's

-Estonian people in general are a bit like Finnish people, you have to make an effort to get to know them, and they usually don't make the first move in getting to know new people

-Historically Estonia has been part of Germany, Sweden and Russia.

-The railway in the country is really underdeveloped, people usually take the bus or cars to get somewhere

-Estonia is about the size of Denmark

-2/3 of the inhabitants live in the larger cities


Tartu

-Also known as Dorpat

-Has about 100.000 inhabitants

-Records of the city are found from the early 1100th century

-University of Tartu was established in 1700th century

-Has always had close connections with Sweden, they even have a Uppsala Maja, a wooden cottage, as a "monument" for their friend-city Uppsala

-Is about 180km away from Tallinn. Every half hour a bus is going to and arriving from Tallinn.

-Has a river running through the city. The river connects Estonia's two largest lakes with each other

-Every 10th person on the streets of Tartu is somehow connected to the university

Sometimes I just randomly feel extremely happy

Well yes it's true. Sometimes you feel like you could hug the whole wide world for no particular reason at all! I had a quite normal day today, but lots to look forward to!

-I'll be meeting my friends in Vaasa this weekend to celebrate my friend's birthday. One of those wild, glamorous nights out; dresscode: black. And since I a while ago attended a theme ball-James Bond, I already have a gooood outfit. Only problem is to get up on that stand we always dance on...

-Next week I'll be in Helsinki for a couple of days, probably meeting friends there too! Yay!

-Listening to that song I posted yesterday, and in a partymood right now :P (anything can happen...)

-I did actually have a day of work today, even though I officially ended work and having "vacation" now. It was a new place to me, so it was a bit nervous going there (as always). Everything went fine, I hate that I always get nervous about stuff that I manage just fine!

-Saw a real gooooooood movie yesterday; Public Enemies. Or I don't know, I think I most of all liked Johnny Depp being so handsome ;D I went with a girl from work and we both went all crazy about him (while you're single you can freely choose going to a bang-bang movie with a girl AND talk about the great male actors, without making your man jealous!) I don't think the movie would have been any good without Depp, he's an amazing actor! But I wouldn't say that it is a movie I could watch all over again. The thrill wouldn't be the same.

-A less fun thing happened yesterday, and this I just have to write in Swedish! Så igår var vi med vår oranga lyckokatt-Pushkin till veterinären, eftersom han hade ett sår på ryggen som inte ville läkas. Nåja, snälla veterinären börja dra bort sårskorpet och huhu, såna sår har jag inte ens sett på människor, att det har blivit sådär utbrett från ett litet ställe! Det hela slutade med kompress på ryggen, antibiotika och en drogad katt i tratt. Då han vaknat till sig lite fick han inte ens gången till att bli rak. Plus att även drogfri en dag efteråt krockar han i precis allt med dendär tratten xD Jag har småmobbat honom enda sens det, han TROR sig vara så smidig, så fastnar tratten i ett hörn, vilket han int fattar, trycker på och duns, katten ligger på golvet :P Jag får nu leka veterinär. Påpekade igår åt mamma att det vore helt skönt och vara katten just då. Alla pysslar om en, alla pajjar en, alla tycker synd om en; man får TILL OCH MED spy på sig själv! Mamma tyckte jag var lite konstig om min största dröm är att jag får spy på mig och andra torkar upp det... ;)

Sexy Bitch

This is an awesome song by one of my favorite dj's. Listen and enjoy the vibes! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZumu_wJYlc&feature=related

When life gives you lemons, you can't always make lemonade...

Today I went to the bank to figure out how in the world I should finance my tutionfees. And guess what? KELA is only getting me about 4400€ per year for a loan, that leaves me about 3000€ short on the first two years of school. Per year that is. So great. It's always about the money baby! I really need to come up with some solution, this is kind of freaking me out, going to Estonia, a couple of thousand euros short, at least the Springsemester. And I don't really know if taking a "real" loan is an option, since there are some high procentages you have to pay of in the mean time until you start paying back your loan. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to inform me!

As if that wouldn't be enough, I also still have to buy a new laptop. But there is some hope with insurance. I'll keep my fingers crossed that at least that would fix itself...

I also had my last day of work yesterday, and it was real good too. Every patient seemed very pleased and nice (or was it just me being happy to get some vacation..?). I really liked that place, working in a hospital with all kinds of people, both nurses and patients. Some of them I'll probably never forget, and I made some nice friends too :) Tomorrow I will actually go and watch that new Johnny Depp movie Public Enemies with one of my former collegues. Hope it's good!

A couple of things are checked on my to-do list before leaving, which is also great. Amongst them are planning my leave and packing days the last weekend in August. Mom is gonna come with me to Tartu, and that I am truely grateful for. I won't be stranded there until 30th August all alone. Just hope we'll get most of my stuff there the two of us :P My books will have to wait ;)

The first reactions I get when I tell people where I will be next semester is

-So why don't you just study in Finland? (Well, just let me bang into your head how hard it is, getting in to med-school here...)

-Wow, that's like really far away, aren't you afraid? (Haha, no not at all, it just scares the shit out of me knowing absolutly no one and not speaking the language. But nah, no biggie)

-Who else is going with you? (Oh my whole family and all of my friends! They're so excited! Uhm no, well I am going all by myself. )

And the list goes on.

So let me explain some other useful things.

The first two years will be in English. That's why these years are the most expensive if you look at the tutionfees. During these years we will take intensive courses in Estonian, so that we're ready to switch from English to Estonian as a study-language year three.
Finnish students are allowed to make their internships in Finland, which minimazes the gap when you take the leap into working in your homecountry.

The costs of living there are quite minimal compared to Finland. Living, eating and entertainment is much more inexpensive. But because of diffrent standards in for example aparments it's good to take a look at them before you jump to a conclusion which one to rent. That's why I'm staying at a student's dorm at first, even though it means sharing ONE room with another girl.

And yes I know no one there, and I am really scared of moving to a country I know almost nothing about and that I have never visited. But at least there is a branch there, so I will hopefully get to know some people in church there.

The things that I am most regretful of by moving there is that I probably will end up marrying some Estonian boy. I really would prefer to have one from Scandinavia! And then there is the part of not seeing my superduper family and friends... It is after all 6 years!

But then I also know how it is to study something that you don't want to be, and having a dream that is knocking on your consious every day. So i decided that even though everything is rough about this move, I just have to follow my dream. Because if I don't catch it now, I thing I will regret it for the rest of my life. And I thing this dream is worth the sacrifies I and also people around me are ready to make.

I just have to dig up some excitement so that this whole thing would feel good all of the time. Or at least 90% of the time. So I will be busy looking for that same excitement people around me seem to have about all this. Probably that WILL be a whole-time job ;)