One week

One week left until I will be homehome in Pietarsaari! I am longing for it so much; looking forward to seeing everybody again, to pet with our cats, go to work and just hanging around. I hope I will get the chance to read some books too, and I have quite a lot of movies I would like to see, both in the cinema and at home. And working out, boy I long for a good, long and effective session of that!!!! Then New Year's will be celebrated in Helsinki!

I think all this studying is catching up with me, I am dead-tired even though I slept 10h last night. But I have to study still for my slide-test in histology tomorrow, it would be wonderful to pass it and hopefully only have 3 tests more after that; that is if my Kruusma-chemistry test was okay. I have hope that it will work out good, since I in some mysterious way have passed and got accepteted a lot of things this week :) Studying and background knowledge pays off! Since my apartment looks like a bomb just exploded I apparently have been reading a lot since I didn't consider myself having the time to think "oh-it-is-just-so-nasty-here-I-can-not-study"-thoughts.

Tomorrow TASLO is having their Christmasparty which I won't be attending. I hope to have a nice evening at home, just relaxing after studying some anatomy (after the slide-test) for half of the day in school. Maybe I could read a good book, I've been wanting to do that for a long time. Otherwise the weekend will be mainly studying the urinarysystem & sexorgans (now we know all about micropenises and disformed wombs), colloid chemistry and cellbiology. And yes on Saturday I will purchase the last of my Christmasgifts, and start taking out the creativity inside of me. Just pouring it all out :) Hope everybody will like their presents!

Also I have once again done some soulsearching and it's time for a change in so many ways. I still don't know if it is good or bad that we have to reinvent ourself almost daily. But it defintely gives us some excitement in our lives. And as somebody said two weeks ago on Sunday life without trials would be boring ;) Well we have to challenge ourselves from time to time.

Summary: Nothing new and exciting happening in my life right now, mostly studying (but hey that's kind of interesting!) and eating and sleeping and facebooking :)

Wish me luck for my last tests, I will need it!

December 7th

(Cyclopia in human baby from Tartu's medical exhibition)

Updating is a nice thing to do when you should study for boring tests. So that I will do now!

Last week, December 1st, was my birthday. It's so nice when people remember you on your birthday, trough SMS, facebook, calls or whatever. I got a package from Germany and my relatives there; I had something to open! In the evening almost the whole class met at the restorant Moka (my personal favorite) for some birthdaydinner which was really nice. I also saw New Moon and it was really good! Especially if you compare it to the first movie!!! The audience did suck, they laughed and screamed at all the wrong moments, this spoiled quite a lot of the movie I think.

On my birthday I also had 3 tests, which all went well! Bye bye Latin & First Aid, I won't ever return to those classes again, wohoo!

Okay I have to stop doing other stuff so I will get to the interesting part of TODAY. We went to the old anatomical theater here in Tartu today to get our last Histologylesson for this year. And well we got to see a testis that weighs about 5 kg and a tumour that weighs 15kg. Can you imagine what it would be like to have one of those xD just sick. Then our anatomyteacher showed us (all amazed) a device some guy had built by himself that shows the coming down of the testis during the developement. And she suggested that it would make a GOOD Christmas present. And that we also would create it by ourselves. Seriously, who figures out to do that kind of model/device in their sparetime :P

Well if you happen to visit Tartu you should go and check out the Old Anatomical Theater, looked pretty amazing all those preparates. And they have quite some history too!

I definitely think that we have to contribute to the stereotype that med-students don't sleep. Well a friend of mine (herself being a almost-ready doctor) commented yesterday: "So the only thing I read about you on your facebookstatus is: tired tired tired". It is true, I am tired all the time. Most of the time because I don't sleep enough, but it seems that even though I sleep I'm still tired! And one day just has 24 hours, even though I sometimes hope that there would magically appear like 2 hours extra.

Tonight I tried to make something my Grandma, Oma, always did: Gnocci with a cream&mushroom sauce. But it wasn't as good as is she would have done it. I don't know how she always got the sauce so tasty and creamy. It made me real sad, I have missed her even more ever since my birthday. Christmastime was her time of the year. And she was the most amazing cook ever.

I figured last week that Christmas has begun to be (alarmingly) a time to be depressed about not having a boyfriend. Everybody is out shopping/travelling/going to the movies/ice-skating etc. etc. with their significant other. It actually started last year for me this downie at Christmastime. Maybe I'm having a age-crises or so. I made a deal last year with Paulina that if we don't have any boyfriends this year at Christmas we would be abroad. Well we still don't have any but for the 24.12 we will be in Pietarsaari. Maybe it doesn't count if you work the whole Christmas week???

This weekend in Helsinki was the top of my down probably, but still it was a nice weekend, with meeting my parents and brother. Shopping with Jenny. Going to watch New Moon for the 2nd time with Jenny. Talking to Linda until late in the nights. The Independenceparty with dressing up and meeting friends. And the private afterparty at McDonalds ;) Eating out at Memphis. And Sunday was the best day being my happyday. It didn't even bring me that down to go back, in the opposite it was quite nice to come back to do some intense studying. Only 7 days of school and 8 tests more!!! Yey!

Some thoughts about last week

So today I literally had my hands in a dead man's abdominal cavity. Ofcourse they were covered with gloves, but still. Feels quite akward when the teacher literally encourages you to mess around in there and find all kinds of anatomical structures.
On another table in the morgue you can find all kinds of (real) organs. Small intestines, stomachs, livers... And also the organs from a newborn child. The absurd thing when handeling the instestines or stomachs is that I always get hungry. Don't ask why, I wish I would have the normal kind of reaction people have; like backing off and keeping the needed distance.
My favorite is still the organs of the newborn baby. The heart is so tiny and beautiful. Can't imagine how it can pump all that blood! The organs are as new as they could be. I think that is the most amazing thing that I have ever seen. In the heart you could see all the valves still and how they are attached. It really looks like on the pictures. People started commenting on how interested I was in that tiny heart. And I got the idea of maybe becoming a heartsurgeon.

We had some 6-7h of Biology today, but it was the fun kind. The one looking at petri-dishes with clones you made. The one talking about the medical stuff. I got once again the passion for this thing. And I really needed it after quite a depressing, exhausting and loooong week;including Chemistry yesterday...

Next week we will start having a lot of tests every week until the bitter end of this pre-Christmastime. I hope we will survive it all, the stress and the tests. After this we get to have a nice vacation. But first I look forward to my birthday, not that I will have any of those family-traditions like being woken up to the song of "happy birthday to you" or a present-table, but still. I am like a small child still in that way :) And I plan on being that for the rest of my life. My Birthdays are my days. Hope I will get to celebrate with some good food and a nice evening in the company of friends here in Tartu. Because we will have had 3 tests that day, it would be nice relaxing after that :)

I have found that since I've moved here the most surprising things can trigger a minor life-crises and soulsearching. Have I changed at all because of these? I don't think so. Everytime it just reminds me of the same things that need to change or I need to start/stop doing. But you just can't bring up the energy for change. Even though, by changing you might get more energy. So I hope that at last when I'm back after being at homehome for some weeks I will for example bring up the energy to go to the gym again and eating healthy etc. etc.

Not only am I looking forward to the Christmasbreak because I get to meet all my friends&family, but also because I will get to work again, read some novels and just be in Finland again. Don't get me wrong, I like being in Estonia, I have actually come to a point were I appriciate being here, but home is still home. And home is where your heart is :)

I can however say that I always manage to have time for watching movies and TV-series! I recently watched all the Saw-movies and last Friday I watched the last one in the cinema. The first three movies were amazing, after that they slowly begin to loose the original spirit.

Also I now listen to Death Cab for Cutie and remembering summer! It's so dark outside and it makes me tired and really brings me down. So check out the following songs:

Passengerseat
Summerskin
What Sarah said
I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Soul meets Body

Studymotivation

I have my Latin-exam on Tuesday and I'm as unmotivated to study as one can be. It feels very unneccessary to learn how to pronounce a dead language anyway.

But I found some real studymotivation this night, once again.

-Reading about Doctors without borders. I want to be a volunteer some day for them. I dream of mine for a long time already.

-Reading Lääkärilehti (Finnish Doctor's Magazine/Journal that dumps into my postbox every week)

-Imagining being in a surgery and actually getting to be inside a living human. Or doing an autopsy (preferably on a dead human...). It still amazes me all the time how complex and clever the human body is. And it's so beautiful!



-Sometimes you just have those moments when you get this warm feeling inside and you smile while you think: "This is why I want to be a doctor!"

People always ask me what kind of doctor I want to be. I always tell them that it's a bit hard to decide now what I want to be since I have no experience at all. But here is a list of stuff I really am interested in and fascinated by:

Psychiatry
General Surgery
Gynecology
Geriatry
Pathology
Anaesthesiology
Cardiology

I am not interested nor will I ever be interest in the following:

Paediatrics
Nose-throat-ear specialist
Radiology

Update

Update about the last week:

-I got my own stetoscope last Tuesday at the TASLO (Finnish medical students in Tartu) autumnmeeting.



-Had my skulltest, orally once again. Got an A, and it's not thanks to the teacher! Think she has been one of the worst teachers so far. Unfortunatly we're gonna have her in the Spring. She will then "teach" us the nerves. Oh what a joy... This is by far the most beautiful bone in the skull:




-Last weekend's Friday I went to the movies with Heidi and Erik. The movie was called The ugly truth. I think it has traumatized Erik for quite a while, but Heidi&I laughed so much xD Also this is where the insider victorydance originates from ;) After the movie we hanged out at Heidi's place until I almost fell asleep. Then I had to bike home, and I was lucky not to fall asleep on the bike...

-Have seen both seasons of True Blood! I don't know if the series is that good, at least not the first one. But the second is sooo much better. Anyhow it is quite interesting how it spellbinds you to watch more and more! Have also seen a couple of movies (nothing really good amongst it..) and the first season of Tudors.

-Realised that they havn't got any proper cards to send to men here in Tartu. I was looking for Fatherday's cards yesterday and I only found cards way too girly to send to a man. Ended up sending my Grandpa a card with Monet's painting on and a crazy monkey-card to my Dad. That was the best I could find.

-My bike. I really just want to make a bonfire out of it so it can literally burn in hell (hey it's Halloween today even... *evil grin*). My bike-thingie is the worst buy ever. If one thing is fixed the next thing starts to give me problems. Where are those helping hands when you need them?!

-Monday was my superenergyday! I was in school until 8pm to study the skull and even wanted to go out jogging after! It was such a wonderful evening! Warm and autumny and it wasn't even raining. That night I started to make food at about 9.30pm. Well if my neighbours don't think I'm crazy yet, after this week they probably will. (the fact that I'm watching series all night doesn't help...)

-Next Friday I'm gonna visit my brother at the army! They are having a parade/marching, because it's Svenska dagen (the Swedish-speaking's Day) and then you will get to look around there and eat some (hopefully good) food... I'm looking forward to it. Niko also made it trough the Barettmarschen; 70km of walking and they did it in 30 something hours. I really am proud of my little brother :)

-Yesterday I also bought a book; Jane Austen's Persuasion. I find it hard to read Austen in English, but hopefully it gets easier after some time. That will keep me occupied for tonight. Even though I should start reading for the Latinexam on Tuesday. Let's see ;)

-Made a mudcake today. But baking just isn't that fun if you haven't got somebody to share it with.

-My friends are having the anual Halloweenparty today and I would SO want to be there. First of all to see them and talk to them. But secondly because it's tradition. You basically can't miss out on that great event of ours. Emma is making decorations as always :D Love you guys and I would do anything to be there tonight!


Spooky Halloweengreatings to you all!

Energy!

Well after yesterday's good day-feeling, I continued today in the same spirit. Running high on positive feelings and enjoying life. Helped a classmate after school to move up and throw together some furniture. Always great helping people, specially if you get to know them better at the same time :) Afterwards you always have this nice feeling.

So this night I have been a bit restless. Would have liked to go out for a walk, since it wasn't that cold and it hardly rained at all. Instead I watched America's next top model. I am amazed every time by the beautiful pics they're taking. It would be amazing to learn how to photograph properly. And have a good camera too!
Anyhow I decided to try on my ballgowns for the TASLO anniversaryparty. My long (very simple) black dress didn't fit of course. Last time I have been wearing it I was in a much better shape. Since I've moved here I haven't been working out or put any emphasis on eating the "right" food. As I put the black dress on (without closing the zipper...) and messing around in it for a while I really got a kick out of the thought to get myself in shape again. So I will start eating good stuff and work out again. Because that will 1. give me something good to do and 2. bring me in a good mood (since loosing weight makes me happy and workout releases all endorphines).
The problem is just that I haven't been able to figure out if they have any proper gym here in Tartu. And last autumn I really got into working out at the gym. You feel and see how your muscles improve and the bodyshape changes.
Meanwhile I probably just have to put myself trough the pain of jogging (hate doing it...) or go swimming. Then add some home-workout program. Maybe that would do the trick. Lets see! :)

I start to get into this whole studything too. Even though I haven't been studying much lately. But tomorrow we will have a study-marathon at school with the skull's bones. At the same time we are being testrabbits for the second year's students. Some energydrink experiment. Well you have to suffer to support the greater good ;) I hope anyhow to put my excitement into work also. I have a tendency to just keep the excitement inside myself and not work with it. Yep I am stupid. I could accomplish so much with it.

So these next weeks I will work on healthier living and studies. And hopefully other important stuff in life. And doing things I really like. Reading, writing and talking to people :)

Love and miss you all at home!

Summary

This turned out to be a great day! It was nice in so many simple ways. The only thing that wasn't "perfect" was that I still let people influence my mood with their behaviour. And yeah the amount of chocolate consumed today...

But as I said simple stuff also made my day! Like blowdrying my hair in the morning (usually I let it airdry since I'm just too lazy..) Such a great fluffy feeling with blowdryed hair <3 Had lots of extratime in the morning, even though school began already at 9 am. So I actually could pick out a complete outfit with accessories.
I kept highspirits trough the (boring) laborationhours, but the chemistrylectures in the afternoon were a bit too much. Your brain just stops concentrating at some point. But still I thought that this teacher was much better than the previous!
When I got home I made a tuna-crap pie, cleaned the apartment, did the dishes, changed the bedsheets, organized ALL of my stuff. And boy it felt nice being surrounded my a clean house. Even though it took some time since I have this minimal brush and 29m2 to clean. But it was quite therapeutic. And looking at the result I am proud of myself. After this I basically did nothing of importance. Chat with some people, watch the newest episode of Heroes...

So maybe happiness is a decision. Not always but most of the time. And if you take the time to actually get stuff done you do feel good about yourself. It also gives you the energy to cope with other stuff you otherwise would be too lazy to do, eg. schoolstuff, cleaning... And you appriciate the "sparetime" you get for hanging on the internet ;)

Tomorrow is already Thursday, which means weekend! Have a nice weekend planned; swimming, going to the movies, studying the skull at school, participating in a energydrink survey-thingie at school... Really looking forward to it.

Head ööd!